into the flames
by threadmaster alchemist
Summary: my attempt at the 100 royai themes. i do not own fullmetal alchemist. anyway. these are mostly a bunch of one shot involving mostly roy and riza. and some havoc. basically these are just me writing. and maybe finding something to make a bigger story about
1. 002 gunshot

_reflections_

Roy looked at his reflection in the cracked mirror, starting to forget where he was. Suddenly he was in ishbal again looking at his reflection in a different cracked mirror. he forgot that here he was in sweat pants and a T-shirt and drunk. And that in ishbal he was in his uniform and sober, if you could count his state of mind as sober. He looked the same then as he did now, with huge black bags under his eyes, unshaven, haunted, dirty, a murderer of innocent people, only because they had dark skin and red eyes, and in the name of protecting the country he called home. it was sick he thought still staring at the mirror,  
_  
__"I don't deserve to continue living, why am i still standing her after what I did, how many people I killed how many families and lives I destroyed just because I was following orders." __  
_  
He glanced at the door to his apartment, hoping someone, a certain someone would come and rescue himself from what he was contemplating, no not contemplating anymore, there was no one there now, no one to stop him, finally he could free himself and take him self away from the messed up world and free his mind of the crimes he had committed, and the guilt that accompanied it.

Reaching slowly for his belt, where he kept his gun he slowly drew it and pointed at his forehead.

"t_ime to bring judgment upon myself for what I have done, judgment for the two doctors I murdered for trying to help people, for their daughter I orphaned, for the hundreds I killed on the front lines, for those I was forced to torture and experiment on, for those who ended up dead because of me, because I failed to protect them. . . Hughes. ._."

He thought of his friend Maes Hughes who had been killed by an unknown assailant just two weeks ago, Roy blamed himself. if he had ordered Hughes to stop the investigation into laboratory five he would have never ended up dead, and would never have left a wife and child behind grieving.

Roy's mind made up even more now after remembering how he felt about Hughes' death, he centered his now trembling hand and slowly inhaled.

"_I'm sorry, I've failed yo_u"

He whispered thinking of one of his closest friends and as her face popped into his head as he was pulling the trigger, time seemed to stop at that one moment, he couldn't do this anymore, but it was too late now, then he jerked the gun to the side just as it fired and the bullet flew into the wall, the shot and recoil seemed to wake Roy up from the trance like state he had been in, the realization that he had almost done it again and come closer them almost ever before scared him the gun fell out of his hand and clattered to the floor as he collapsed

his apartment door flew open just at that moment as he was falling and a woman ran in "_ROY_!" she yelled and ran to him, relieved when she saw no blood. Roy looked up at her, and a wave of gratitude washed over him. This woman was his saving grace.

"_Thank you_" he whispered  
______________________________


	2. 017 scars

**disclaimer: i do not own fullmetal alchemist! believe me if i did the latest chapters would not have happened **(wont say what happened because of spoilers)

Scars

Riza sat at the kitchen table in her house uneaten food on the stove warming up for the fifth time it was one serving since it was only lunch time and her father and his apprentice only ate dinner, if they ate at all.. today riza did not feel like eating, her appetite was fading, she stared off into space thinking. She was fourteen she would be able to leave soon and never come back to this broken home. she looked down at her forearms and saw her scars, she had put them there herself when she felt most alone most like a ghost which was often because as far as she knew her father didn't know she existed beyond being the person who cooked his food but then he would rarely eat. So even then she didn't exist she told herself that she didn't care because he had never payed any attention to her at all even when she was little she was used to being alone. So she didn't care but really she did, so she hurt…

She half hated the apprentice that her father had taken on because he payed attention to him and taught him alchemy the only thing that she thought her father truly did care about. But ever since he had arrived when she was younger she had been jealous that he seemed to get all of father's attention while she stayed as invisible as usual. She hurt for that also

She also hated how he had used her… she had let him of course she longed for his love that much that she had let him use her to store his research that was all she was too him.. Another book but a human book that could not be destroyed so easily as one made out of paper and ink. She hurt more

She knew that secretly she loved him but she tried to hate him because she should, she had no friends the tutors had stopped coming years ago because he forgot to pay them, he had pulled her out of school as well.. So she learned by herself she learned to read and to write and to do arithmetic though she was horrible at numbers that didn't matter though she would probably not need all those numbers anyway.

The food had started to burn the smell of smoke slowly filling the kitchen but riza didn't care anymore she slowly felt that numb sensation that she constantly tried to keep at bay sneak up on her and pounce. she sat there for while not really noticing time passing or the food burning or anything, for that matter. she really didn't care she felt invisible and well for all she knew that was true.. she reached for the knife that was on the table from preparing the food earlier and looked at it, it was pretty she thought smooth silver perfect and definitely not invisible, she contemplated for a little more and then brought the knife to rest against her already scarred forearm and dragged the blade across feeling the pain go coursing through her at least it was feeling something wasn't it? She watched as blood started to ooze from the new cut and she observed it this wasn't new to her after all, though she realized that she had not actually hurt for a while a week she thought, ah well. She dragged the blade across her arm again, and again feeling the pain and knowing that she was alive, she didn't know why she kept cutting after the initial knowledge that she still existed but something just made her keep going there was a sick fascination she held in the knife and the blood and the pain it was a relief and she let all her emotions that had resurfaced flow out the anger, and the jealousy and the emotional pain it was like a river.

Roy smelled smoke coming from downstairs he had been studying by himself and he didn't know where sensei was so it couldn't hurt to go see what was wrong sensei's daughter riza rarely burned anything she always made good food he made his way down stairs and into the kitchen and noticed her sitting at the table holding a knife in her hand calmly watching blood flowing down her arm. Roy just stared at first and then walked over and took the knife slowly out of her hand.

"_riza That's enough_ " he said scared a little, she didn't even look up.

Riza noticed him walk in and stand there for a moment she didn't care he walked over and took the knife from her hand she didn't care either she had released enough she heard him speak but didn't respond

Roy didn't know what to do he was lost he put the knife down and then turned off the stove, before collecting a clean dishcloth and pulling up another chair next to riza and putting an arm around her.

"_what's wrong_?" he asked kind of shyly riza shrugged but didn't respond. Roy didn't know what to say next because she didn't look like she was going to answer him he thought and then saw her arm again "come on lets go clean that" he said and she shrugged again but stood up and started to walk towards the bathroom roy stood up to follow her but she shook her head.

'_I am fine,_ _don't worry you should get back to studying shouldn't you?"_ she said her voice quivering a little and walked into the bathroom closing and locking the door. Roy sat at the table speechless and then slowly got up and walked back upstairs unsure of wither he should tell the sensei about his daughters problem..

"_What am I thinking_" he muttered to himself "_I can't tell him that would be completely betraying her_ _i have to help her, damn it! I have to help her. But how?_" he tried to think of how he could help as he walked back into the library, he had trouble concentrating on his studies for the rest of the day.

* * *

Years later

In ishbal riza sat in her tent a cigarette held in-between her teeth her sleeves rolled up to her elbows it was dark out, but hadn't started to cool down yet, though it would get cold soon. She should be sleeping she reasoned, but she knew that if she did sleep her dreams would be nightmares. so it was better to sit on her cot smoking, and listen to her tent mates' troubled sleep noises. she looked down at her arms, and saw the many scars she had there from her childhood. she sighed and rolled her sleeves down she didn't really want to look at them they were too tempting, and she didn't want to start again not now, because she had the bad feeling that if she did she would go too far and take her own life because she had taken the lives of too many other people. but just once couldn't hurt right? Just a little bit of release? She shook her head and put out the cigarette better get some sleep she thought she looked at the roof of the tent and images of bodies riddled with bullet holes filled her eyes. she stood up suddenly taking her jacket, and pistol, and as an after thought her utility knife. before walking out of the tent into the cooling night air. she glanced around not seeing any campfires still lit she decided to walk around camp to clear her mind.

she looked up at the stars bright and clear stunningly beautiful for such a place dirtied with the blood of thousands of soldiers and civilians she walked over to her favorite thinking place a little stream running through a tiny oasis so small you barely knew it existed just a little creek bubbling out of the ground a couple of small plants and a rock sitting on the flat top of the rock she sighed and looked at the knife on her belt just one small cut she thought and unsheathed it running it across her finger testing the blade before moving onto her arm and dragging it across her skin she exhaled deeply unused to the pain but thankful for the release all the same she repeated a second time and was starting the third when a hand was placed on her arm.

"_no soldier_" a strangely familiar voice said calmly Riza looked down at her arm seeing the dark stain drip down her arm and sheathed the knife again then looked up into they eyes of Roy mustang her fathers old apprentice.


	3. 001 military personnel

Reviews would make me happy ^_^

(sorry this one doesn't have a lot of royai in it but oh well this is what ya get and if I didn't make it clear riza and havoc are close friends no love affair between them)

And sorry for all the spelling/grammar mistakes its late (well early in the morning) and needed to write something before I slept otherwise I wouldn't sleep so here it is!

**Disclaimer! I do not own fullmetal alchemist!!!! **

* * *

Reunion

Riza slung her rifle over her shoulder , and nodded to the sniper who was taking over for her since her shift was finished, and walked down from the snipers nest. she was glad she just had guard duty for the next three days instead of going out into the town with the squads, she saw her friend jean havoc sitting at a campfire with a couple other soldiers and waved as she walked over to sit with them.

"Hey how was shift?" havoc asked casually.

Riza shrugged "as always, shoot anything that moves pretty much"

One of the soldiers laughed "because ishballans are nothing more then "things that move" he said mimicking some sort of upper class snob.

Everyone at the campfire cracked up.

"ughhh I just wish this fucking war would be over!" riza's friend Rebecca, slumped down at the fire.

"cheers!" the group said sarcastically

"you know we all agree.." havoc pointed out

"yeah" Nelson, the solder who had done the snob impression agreed

Riza snorted and pulled out a pack of cigarettes "havoc you have a lighter?"

"only if you've got a cigarette for me" havoc answered before throwing her a lighter knowing that she would give him one anyways

riza caught the lighter and lit the cigarette before tossing the lighter and a cigarette back to havoc "get your own lazy chain smoker!"

"Hey you aren't any better!" havoc shot back

Riza shrugged "whatever" she exhaled smoke "so whats the news Rebecca? If anything…" riza asked the woman who worked in intelligence and communications

Rebecca shrugged "they are sending in the state alchemists, guess they have decided this war has dragged on long enough.. huh?"

The whole group snorted "seriously? Now they call them in? this fucking war has been going on for seven years and only now they think to send in the alchemists? Seriously what are we? Pawns?" havoc spat out

"what do you think we are numbskull?" riza asked "of course we are pawns.. and they probably just got tired of funding it.. or something like that.. who knows maybe they actually thought we could handle it until now.. higher command will never make sense.. and anyways we could have won this war ages ago.. its just genocide now…don't even try to lie to yourselves" riza finished her rant and then sighed and leaned back against havocs legs

There weren't any fraternization laws in the military they had been abolished a while ago and well in a war zone who payed attention to that anyway? Not to mention you could never call riza hawkeye and jean havoc a couple they were too much like siblings even they said so. They just had that level of companionship where one could easily confuse friendship with love

Nelson sighed and grew sullen the whole group did finally nelson asked the question that was on all of their minds "when do they get here?" Rebecca shrugged in a few days maybe sooner.. I don't remember when that message came in exactly..

Everyone nodded and went back to staring at the fire in silence.

The state alchemists actually arrived the next day with the supplies riza and havoc got a glimpse of them when they went to replenish their stock of cigarettes.

"Look over there.. getting off the train!" riza exclaimed as they made their way back to the freight cars.

"The state alchemists?" havoc asked unashamedly staring at them

"yeah.." riza said

Havoc shrugged and he and riza continued on their way to the freight cars

Later that evening the normal group of havoc, riza, rebecca, nelson, and today they had two others stoltz and breda with them were sitting around the fire as they normally did chatting riza was recounting her story of the two idiot officers who almost got killed earlier

"and so they are just sitting there talking and you know hughes he will just go and pull out his latest letter from his girl back home and start talking and talking and this other guy is just standing there then the ishballan who is hiding and we all think he's dead stands up with a knife and lunges at them of course I shoot him before theres the chance but the thing was this guy looked familiar.. " riza thought of the new state alchemist and then immediately dismissed the idea..

Rebecca laughed "nice story but im confused who looked familiar? The ishballan or the new guy the alchemist?"

Riza shrugged "the alchemist I think he may have lived near me or something im not sure… hughes.. and his girl.. she gonna get him kill one day.. "

"nahhh not while you have his back and speaking of hughes here comes the captain now!" havoc exclaimed

Captain maes hughes and major roy mustang the flame alchemist made their way over to the camp fire where the sniper and her buddies where hanging out the sniper was leaned casually up against the soldier with dirty blond hair and a cigarette in his mouth the sniper was smoking a cigarette as well and the other woman waved at Hughes who waved back,

"Evening captain!" nelson called out.

"Who's the new guy? Breda asked.

Maes waved back and walked up to them "hey gang ,this is Roy mustang the flame alchemist"

Rizas eyes got wide when she recognized him she coughed on the smoke she had just inhaled, havoc gave her a pounding on the back. "what's up? You sound like a newb again!"

Riza shook her head "nothing"

Maes glared and continued his introductions. "Roy, this is private first class jean havoc, lance corporal Heymans Breda, Private Richard nelson, Corporal Liam Stoltz, Corporal Rebecca Catalina, and Private Riza Hawkeye"

Roy had known it was her immediately, he just wanted confirmation, she had changed so much her eyes were those of every soldier he had seen out here haunted. He eyed the private first class who she was leaning against so casually boyfriend? He wondered Riza smiled at him taking another pull from her cigarette .

Maes nodded "private we wanted to thank you for saving our asses earlier…"

Riza laughed "no problem captain, just doing my job as you know." she then turned to Roy. "Roy mustang, or well major now, I guess. Do you remember me?

Roy nodded "yes I do"

Jean Havoc raised his eye brows and reminded himself to get a full explanation out of his best friend later...

Across the campfire, Maes Hughes was thinking the same thing as havoc.


	4. 042 Day off

Not really any royai in this one promise there will be more in the next one

DISCLAIMER! I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!

Day off.

**  
**Roy sat head in his hands, he was back at the main base, waiting for reassignment. currently he was off duty and sitting at a bar in the village right outside of base on the amestrian border. since he had three days until his new assignment he planned on getting drunk beyond function. he waved the bartender over and asked for a whiskey, the bartender was young probably too young to be working at a bar but somebody had to work there and anyone older probably had been conscripted into the army. the bartender brought him his drink and watched him as he gulped it down, Roy motioned for the bartender to give him another,

"is it really that bad out there?" he asked.

Roy nodded and took a sip of whiskey.

"My brother is out there somewhere... we haven't heard anything from him in ages.. we don't know why he stopped writing..we don't know if he is okay or not.. the only thing thats giving us hope is that we haven't gotten any telegrams saying he's dead or something.."

Roy looked up from his drink and tried to smile at the bartender "I'm sure your brother is fine..He probably didn't have anything good to write to you and your family so he just dosn't write at all.. he probably just wants to protect you from the horrors that are out there..."

the young bartender sighed "So it really is that bad.. we see soldiers like you all the time.. its your eyes.. i wish he would write.. he dosn't have to protect us.. we see what its like what is there to protect us from? il be going out there anyway if the war isn't over before my birthday.."

Roy sighed "It gets worse... alot worse.. this is like paradise compared to the front lines.. can i get another whiskey?"

The bartender nodded and poured Roy another whiskey, Roy gulped it down starting to feel a little drunk, "hey can i get another ain't feeling as good as id like to yet" the bartender nodded and poured him another silently.

"Hey mister, do you have family to write to?" he asked

Roy shrugged. "I guess.. i mean i have my foster family back home in central waiting for me.. stopped writing when there was nothing else to write except the death count.. like i said its really bad out there.." Roy answered with a shudder and took a big gulp of whiskey.

"Write to them please? they are probably worried sick about you like i am about my brother and to hear anything from you even just that you are alive and unhurt will be wonderful.. and if you see my brother please tell him to write and that we miss him and love him no matter what? "

Roy nodded "sure.. i'l try to write to them.. and don't worry if i see your brother i will pass the message along, that good enough for you?"

The bartender nodded as Roy emptied his glass, and as a group of four young soldiers walked into the bar and sat down at a table.

"Hey barkeep! can we get beers?" one of the soldiers asked, he had the snipers patch and the rank of private Roy noticed, he had dirty blond hair and a cigarette behind one ear. Roy studied the rest of the group, they were all young no one above the rank of corporal, there was another sniper, and two regular soldiers. the sniper a girl with blond hair and dark brown/red eyes, Roy couldn't help staring at her she was really pretty his drunken brain said, the other two were men, one was tall lanky with close cropped mousy brown hair, the other a brawlic man with dark brown hair. then of course there was the dirty blond haired smoker, who had ordered the drinks. Roy's eyes found the girl again she was really attractive he thought.. and he thought he knew her from somewhere.. but couldn't place it, he smiled over at her but she was too busy talking with her comrades to notice him, though her fellow sniper noticed and glared over at Roy. Roy sighed snipers treated each other like family and no doubt this guy looked at her like a sister and would not take kindly to a drunk soldier trying to take her to bed. Roy looked away from the group and focused on his drink.  
___________________________________________


	5. 045 awakening

DISCLAIMER! I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST.

#45 awakening

He woke to the feel of her body next to his, she was so warm. He closed his eyes again wishing he hadn't woken up, he felt her stir beside him nestling closer against his chest. Opening his eyes again he looked around. the top of his tend, and sand, He thought. _every thing surrounded by it, colored like it. sand blood sweat tears, and head._

"not now, he whispered to him self as he sad up. he had slept well that night, no reason to ruin the moment now. she woke up roused from her sleep by him moving.

"its morning isn't it?" she asked tiredly clad in just the shirt of her uniform the rest of her clothes in a piled on the floor.

"yes" he murmered running his fingers through her short hair, she leaned into him resting her head against his bare chest.

"for once i wish it wasn't" she whispered quietly.

"i know" he whispered suddenly pulling her into an embrace, clinging tightly.

"thank you" he said softly.

"for what?"

"well if thats the case than i should thank you too"

"you don't need to thank me" he said**. **

she slowely pulled herself away from him and began getting dressed.

"we can't let this happend again" she said her face losing the softness it had showed a moment ago and was starting to resum it's normal cold emotionless expression.

_shes preparing herself for the new day already_. roy thought

"why not" he asked

" because its hard enought. we can be friends, but... but... i don't know i just don't want to get used to this and than die or if we make it out alive get stationed in oopsite sides of the country" she blurted out quickly droping her composure a little.

"we can make it work" he said.

she shook her head. "i don't know"

"come on hawkeye" he looked at her trying not to sound like he was pleading but he knew he actually was, as he felt a small amount of panic rising in his chest. she looked up at him from tying her combat boots, her face smooth and collected.

"major"

"don't pull this shit, please... god, riza?"

he used her first name and his voice caught in his throat. she looked ath im and she saw a desperate man.

"i slept... for the first time in weeks, the closest thing to real sleep i know, other than... closing my eyes and just reliving the day..." he kept on talking his voice dropping in volume and tone. "please just until we get out of this godforsaken place... please, riza i need someone..."

she signed and bit her lip. it wasn't like they would be the only ones who were doing things like this. everyone was messing around. it took their minds off things and sometimes brought comfort and sleep. _which is why they haven't cracked down on it. if the soldiers sleep they don't fall asleep on duty. _she just didn't want to fall for him. she thought back to all those years ago when he was her fathers student. she shook her head. _that was a different lifetime to go... it's like it was all a dream. _

"please" his last plea brought her back to reality.

"fine, but during the day and when we are on duty, it is like it was before, we are just friends or fellow soldiers, i am a sniper you are a state alchemist"

_and what about havoc..._ she thought and than smiled and dismissed the thought, he had rebecca and was like her brother.

"and you might want to watch out for havoc , he may decide to threaten you when he finds out."

"thats the guy you always hang out with... and who has got something going with the other woman in the squad right?"

"yes... "

"why do you have to tell him?

"i wasn't planning on telling him, but he will end up figuring it out himself... i have known him since i first entered the acadamy, sometimes i think he knows me better than i know myself. he's like my brother"

She smiled quickly and than her face grew cold again. she pulled a cigarette out of the pack she kept in her jacket pocket, she lit it and watched as roy started getting dressed, hiding a tiney smile as she thought about the night before. looking at her watch she sighed.

"i should go" she said.

"you have shift?" he asked

"yeah in two hours and i have to clean my rifle. " she answered

"okay see you around than"

"yeah." she took a drag of her cigarette and walked out of the tent with out a backwards glance.


	6. 011 Liar

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST.

**authers note**_ so this one i couldn't exactly figure out what it should be. i decided on liar mainly because i may have another idea for murderer one that is alot more angsty but whatever. what happened was i started writing and than kind of got carried away... my main worry now is that it really doesn't have anything to do with the 100 themes but i guess whatever? i mean as long as it has sorta the theme essentially its good right? well it was written with the theme "liar" in mind. though originally when me and tori were discussing the 100 themes we thought maybe it would be "infectious crying" but it decided to not be that one. anyway enough of my tired and under caffinated babbling. GO READ STORY TIEM! _

Lt. Riza Hawkeye followed her commanding officer, It Col. Roy mustang off the train at resembool station.

"sir, may i ask what we are doing here? " Riza asked.

"nothing just following up on somethings." Roy replied stepping out from under the canopy protecting the platform. and into the pouring rain. His face set in a stern commanding mask. In reality he wanted to just go find the nearest bar and drink himself silly. but he had business to to. there were reports of a really strong alchemist living in the area. and there was another more personal reason he had to come to this town. he went over the story in his head, of what he was going to tell the rockbells, it would all be lies but that didn't matter. _"i was there when they got killed. i had been there when they died they wanted me to make sure their daughter was alright. i tried to stop the ishballans." _no the last part was going to far. too far from what had really happened that day.

"lets go, i heard a very promising young alchemist lives around here. and there is also another thing i have to take care of." roy said.

"yes sir" Riza replied.

"so than what are we waiting for?" roy said and stepped out farther into the rain. for once glad that it was raining, because he realized that he may not be able to keep his composure. _"why do i put myself through this?" _ he wondered as they started walking.

They approached the elric house, the windows were dark. Roy shivered, a horrible sinking feeling was growing in the pit of his stomach. he glanced at riza her hand was resting on her gun. He nodded to her and tehy approached the house. When they reached the door riza drew her gun, and stood behind Roy as he raised his hand, clad in his spark gloves, and kicked the door open. The house was deserted and the air was heavy. something was horribly wrong. Roy pointed to an open door leading to a set of stairs, leading down to the basement roy assumed.

"down there." he said and they descended down the stairs into the basement. when they got down the stairs roy snapped his fingers and a small flame blossumed from his fingers. roy and riza looked around. there was a large complicated transmutation circle, drawn on the floor, formula's and symbols worked into the desging. there was blood on the floor in many places as if someone had been dragged around. in the midddle of the circle was a stain that looked alot like blood. roy grew pale.

"sir what happened here?" riza asked

"something horrible, come on lets get out of here. we have to find the alchemist who lives here." roy said turning around and heading back up the stairs and exiting the house back into the pouring rain, riza right behind him.

"sir how are we going to find this alchemist?" riza asked, roy shrugged.

"i don't know, we just have to find him." roy felt coldprobably just the rain. but the idea of what he had seen scared him almost more than anything that had happened in ishbal, he wasn't even sure why. but he knew in his heart it was wrong. he had heard stories and read in books but no one be stupid enough to try, human transmutation, the number one alchemic taboo. and that is what it had looked like to roy.

"sir" riza's voice shattered his thoughts.

"yes hawkeye?" he responded his mind reeling.

"so where too now?"

"right we should find the nearest house from here... the alchemist may be there"

"yes sir, lets get going than. " riza said starting to walk away from the house. Roy followed they walked in silence for some time. each deep in thought about one thing or an other. soon they saw lights and a thin column of smoke rising from a chimny not too far away.

"sir a house." riza exclaimed.

"yes lets check there" roy replied and the two quickened their pace.

when they reached the house roy stopped short. staring at a sign that was attatched to the porch. he felt the color fade from his face, not now, he wasn't ready for this now. they just had to find the alchemist. and now he couldn't actually chicken out on seeing the rockbells. it wasn't a choice. he had to make sure that the alchemist was all right, even if that meant confronting the daughter. he closed his eyes trying to calm down and orginize his thoughts.

"sir, are we going in?" riza asked.

"yes" roy answered pulling himself together, he walked up to the door and knocked. He heard a dog bark inside. and a woman's voice.

"winry go get the door, i don't know who it could be in this weather"

than footsteps and the door was opened by a young blond girl, who stared at the two soldiers with a half scared, half curious face.

"gran, its soldiers!" she yelled and ran back into the house, roy and riza stepped inside after her, as a short older woman came out of the back of the house and leaned down to whisper something to the girl, glancing back at the soldiers standing by the door. winry ran off into the back of the house.

"what do you want?" the woman asked.

"i was looking for..." his voice trailed off as he heard what sounded like someone punching a wall, and than a fairly loud moan, and the sound of winry telling someone to be quiet. "who was that?" roy asked sharply.

"no one." pinako answered glaring at roy and riza.

roy walked past her, and into the back of the house. riza followed with an apoligetic look at pinako who was fuming.

"who do you think you are barging into my home like this you military scum." pinako yelled after roy.

"i'm sorry ma'am, he over reacts sometimes. and we were looking for some alchemist or another, and when we went over to where he lived. well the colonel got worried" riza, tried to explain, but pinako didn't seem to pay any attention and stormed after roy.

Roy stopped when he reached the door of the bedroom, it was half open, he looked inside and what he saw surprised him. on the bed was a boy maybe a year or two older than the rockbell girl, his eyes looked almost as empty as roy knew his own were. he was missing an arm and from the look of the way the sheets were settled over his body, his left leg was missing from right below the knee as well. he noticed that there was a pile of bloodstained rags on the floor, and sitting in the corner was a suit of armor.

"what happened here?" roy asked. pinako walked into the room.

"none of your business. what does the military want with us anyway." pinako snapped at him. he seemed to come out of a daze and turned and looked at her, his face perfectly calm.

"so sorry, i forgot to introduce myself, i am Lt col roy mustang, more commonly known as the flame alchemist. i was searching for that boy over there i believe, though i thought he would be well in better shape, and well older." roy said, watching as pinako glared at him.

"even worse a state alchemist, tell me what is keeping me from throwing you back out into the rain right now? what has the military ever done for this family?" pinako said. riza, noticed as roy grew silent for a second, it looked like he was having a battle on the inside.

pinakos words hit roy like a slap to the face. he hated this, he should just leave, but he wanted to know what had happened. that boy. but he couldn't stay here. he had to leave it was too much.

"maybe it would be better if we talked away from the children?" roy asked. pinako nodded and showed him out of the bedroom and back into the room they had been in when they first had entered the house. winry tried to follow but riza bent down and said something softly to her causing her to stay in the room with the boys. riza stayed as well, as winry smiled and said something to her.

"so what are you doing here?" pinako asked.

"i had heard a rumor about a very strong alchemist around this area so i thought i would come by and check him out, see if he was any good. i didn't know i would be walking into something like this. is it true he tried to commit the taboo?" roy asked.

"if that is what it was. so you went to the house? and how did you come here.?"

"i thought maybe the alchemist might be here. and there was something else..." roy grew silent for a minute. "but it was nothing, just needed to check up on something."

pinako looked at him suspiciously.

'yeah sure. but i want you gone. leave now, we don't need the military sticking their heads into our business they have already wrecked our lives enough. now leave." pinako said.

"yes, fine." roy walked back into the room gaze resting on winry for a second, than turning to the boy.

"when you recover, contact me in central, the names LT col roy mustang. hawkeye, lets go." roy said. and turned and walked out just as suddenly as he had walked in. riza followed. when pinako has seen them out still glaring out them and shut the door behind them. roy let his composure slip, and slumped as he started walking back in the derection of the train station.

"sir, are you okay?" riza asked noticing his change in mood.

"i am fine." roy answered riza did not look convinced.

"sir, something happened back there what was it?"

"nothing!" he snapped spinning on his heel to face her. "just leave me-"

"it had to do with those two doctors back in ishbal, right? i'm not ignorent i know what happened i saw the name on the sign. its okay, we had to do some horrible things." riza winced as she saw the look that passed over roy's face.

"no it's not okay. the girl... oh god what have i done.?" roy said and turned away from riza, he started walking again head bent, hoping she couldn't see his face, than he realized it was still raining so it didn't matter.


	7. 030 Conversation

030. Conversation.

_so this one is more hacoc/riza friendship. because for the sake of these themes they are best friends. anyway. they are discussing roy... and well i think havoc may be a little concerned for riza's well being. (i love writing brother and sister like relationships that is why i had to have havoc in here) anyway here it goes. _

**Disclaimer! i do not own fullmetal alchemist! **

Jean havoc waited impaitently at the bottom of the watch tower, rifle in hamd.

"where the hell is she?" he said under his breath. straining his eyes against the harsh desert sun, he looked towards the camp. finally he saw a familiar figure walking briskly towards him.

"finally!" he yelled in greeting as she neared him and the two saluted before hugging. "hawkeye thats the second time this week you have almost been late. what's gotten into you?" He asked eying her suspiciously as they walked to the watchtower and relieved the two soldiers on duty before them.

"nothing riza replied lighting a cigarette, unwrapping her rifle and taking her post scanning the desert for signs of ishballan rebels.

"it's just this isn't like you. " havoc said a hint of worry creeping into his voice.

"jean everythjing is fine" she snapped at him.

"Really? are you sure? does this have anything to do with the flame alchemist?" riza stiffened when havoc mentioned him. "you two seem like you have some sort of history or something." havoc said. riza was quiet for a minute and continuted watching the desert through the scope on her rifle.

"it's nothing jeand." she finally said softly. he gared at her.

"bullshit riza. i know you and you aren't telling me something."

"fine you want to know?" she asked angrily.

"yes i do." he replied.

"you know my father was an alchemist. well ro- the flame alchemist. was my father's student. and when i was younger he helped me through a lot of stuff. " her voice faded as she bcame lost in thought.

"you mean the scars?" havoc asked.

:yes that. he was the only person before you know know about that. he found me in the kitchen one day. i had just kind of lost it. you know... well after that he tried to help me stop and i got better, cut less frequently... but he was just a friend if that is what you are wondering." she finished and took a long drag from her cigarette. havoc nodded.

"i see, what about now though? you seemed fairly surprised to see him here."

"well, i guess i must have known that he would end up on the front lines in the end, he is a state alchemist after all, i just hadn't seen him since my father's funeral which was a pretty long time ago. i just didn't really think i would see him here."

"not surprising... but are you just friends now? i don't want to see you get hurt... again." hoavoc looked at her trying to read her thoughts. she glared at him. and than shook her head as if trying to forget something. havoc mentally hit himself. he shouldn't have brought anything up.

"we are still friends, its just different now." she finally said.

"how is it different?" havoc asked before he could stop himself. he was digging himself into a hole, he knew it. but he really did think of riza like a sister and after all the shit she had been through he didn't want some guy from her past just waltzing in and throwing her over the edge. not like she wasn't there to begin with, thanks to the goddamn war.

"it just is."

"so you are sleeping with him? there he did it again. he really would need to start counting to ten before he said anything.

"yes. but when we get back and if we get back we are stopping. like its just for now. "

"that own't be easy what if you get attached or fall in love."

"we won't, right now its just fhysical you know to forget for a bit. this fucking war." riza tossed the cigarette down and stepped on it, putting it out.

"i see" havoc said. relieved that she wasn't really angry at him any more for prying into her personal life.

"don't tell anyone jean, i don't want anyone to know, so you have to swear on your life you won't tell anyone."

"i swear. just if he hurts you... "

"jean i know. but he won't"

"if you say so.." havoc sighed he would have to go have a private talk with this guy."

"don't worry about me.

"but i will. you are like my sister... and have been ever since i met you."

"i know. but i can take care of my self"

"i am sure, by the way... riza? you haven't been.. you know.." he looked pointedly at her arm.

"jean you know me."

"thats why i worry. be careful, and take care of yourself riza."

"i will.. and you too... " riza said. wishing she could just stop the bullshit and tell havoc, exactly how often she sought comfort from her knives. but she didn't really want to talk about it. and he knew in his head most likely. she turned her attention back completely to her work. wathcing as a squad of soldiers left camp and headed into the city ahead that was now in ruins.

havoc did the same, reminding himself find the flame alchemist roy mustang and make sure, he wasn't hurting his best friend.


	8. 047 In The Dead Of Night

047 In The Dead Of Night.

_so this one is short. and sorta fluffy. not too much or the rating would have to change to M maybe for later chapters i will though. oh well we shall see. anyway here goes! so the "first thing that rises line" came from when me and tori were up at 3:30 in the morning discussing the idea of roy and riza having a conversation or wither or not it should just be fluff... ( she was helping me idea fish) and well it was 3 in the morning so well we were hyped up on coffee and stuff. anyway. she meant to say "first topic" but it turned into "first thing" and so we ended up laughing uncontrollably for a good ten minutes. now onto the story! _

She slipped into his tent silently. he was waiting, a flask held limply in one hand. he looked up at her as she walked over to sit next to him, he offered the flask, she shook her head.

"no know i have to be up at dawn, and you know i have other methods of taking my mind off things. i'l save the alchohol for if i ever make it home... or get leave. " she said quietly.

he looked at her a look of pain on his face, and draining what was left in the flast he pulled her to him in a tight desperate embrace, his breath smelled and tasted of alchohol as he kissed her, he started to take off her jeacked. she winced visibly as he was trying to get the sleeve of her right arm off. she pulled her arm away and finished taking off the jacked. she tossed it to the side and he grabbed her arm by the elbo and pulled the sleeve of her shirt up.

revealing many fresh and partially healed cuts. his eyes grew wide.

"oh riza" he breahed and held her close to him. "you shouldn't..."

"i know... but its the only thing... "

" i know... i know... i'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"you shouldn't be out here. "

"and that is your fault?"

"ye... no... i don't know... i just feel bad..."

"roy shut up... " she reached over and wiped a tear from his cheek. he hadn't realized he was crying. he looked at her arm and more gently this time picked it up. showering the cuts with light kisses. she moved closer too him, until she was sitting in his lap, she rested her head against his chest, smelling the smoke that permeated his clothes. it was not like cigarette smoke it was different heavier, almost as if it was filled with the pain of the things that it had burned.

"i'm sorry... " roy said, voice quivering.

"for what?" riza asked looking up and seeing that he was still crying.

"for crying." he said wiping his eyes.

"thats silly, we all cry." she said and kissed him.

"i feel so silly though, and weak." he said...

"we all do... its not just you."

"i guess, lets talk about something else... " roy said, suddenly feeling the alchohol kick in, he was drunk. and felt it easier to pull up a better mask for his emotions. he half smiled. riza could tell he was feeling better because the atmosphere of the tent seemed to lift a little bit. he hugged her close to him. "so what do you want to talk about?"

"i don't know... not much to talk about is there?" riza said...

"i don't know we could talk about the first thing that rises..."

"and that would be?" riza said narrowing her eyes. roy shrugged and kissed her.

"i don't know you tell me." he said twisting around and throwing her gently onto the bed so that they were lying down. they resumed kissing, and riza started fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. he sat up and pulled his shirt off, before starting to take hers off as well. pausing for a second riza looked down and giggled.

"you thats what you mean by the first thing that rises..." she blushed.

"so you figured it out." he said and they continued what they had started.


	9. 016 Reaching and Unreachable

_I haven't written any of these in about a year, and my writing style has kind of changed. But here it goes. :) _**  
**

**Disclaimer:_ I do Not own full metal alchemist or any of the characters. _  
**

**016.** Reaching voice & Unreachable with a voice

Roy was sitting in his empty tent, his back against the side of the tent, knees drawn into his chest. He wished that he could somehow magically stop breathing. The things that happened that day flashed in front of his eyes in bits and pieces. He could still feel the weight of the gun in his hand. He screwed his eyes shut hoping that he could somehow will the images away. They just attacked harder. He gave up and let them come at him, locking them away as they passed. He was sinking deep into his own mind – Unreachable.

He saw the looks on their faces when he had walked in, Busy, stressed, but so dedicated to the work they were doing. They were actually helping people. Unlike him, they were the real heroes and he had been ordered to execute them. They died because they helped people. He remembered the squad that he had brought in clearing the field hospital then, hemming in the doctors, with an order to cease and desist – Not the first one they had been given. They refused. _"If they refuse eliminate them." _ Those had been his orders. The wife had pulled a picture out of her pocket and was clutching it tightly. He had not looked at it, he didn't want to. He had pulled his gun from the holster – they knew what was coming now. The husband stood in front of his wife, protectively, and he had to do it. Roy pulled the trigger, the bullet hit home; He fell to his knees blood starting to spill out of his chest. His wife fell to her knees next to him, He grabbed her hand. Roy had pulled the trigger again his hand scarily steady; the bullet flew home and it struck her in the forehead. She then fell backwards pulling her husband with her. He remembered how their bodies had hit the floor with two small thuds. The picture that she had been clutching fell out of her hand and landed at the edge of a pool of blood, blood staining picture red. Roy had glanced at the picture for a second. He remembered how the doctors had been in the picture smiling with a young girl – their daughter. Something had stabbed Roy in the chest and he remembered feeling like he wanted to throw up. He had pulled himself together and composed himself. He had then turned on his heel and signaled for the squad to clean up and get out of there.

Riza found him in his tent, she had called his name before entering, and he didn't hear her. She stepped inside the tent and knelt beside him.

"Roy" No answer, He didn't even move, or look up.

She moved closer to him and lifted his chin, pulling his eyes up to meet hers. They were empty, the circles under his eyes were so dark, in the dim light of the tent they almost disappeared into his eyes themselves. "Roy, talk to me." This time he shook his head no and tried to break his head away from her grip. She wouldn't have anything of it, and held his gaze. "Roy I heard… It is okay to hurt."

She was getting through to him. He could almost feel the warmth of her gaze, and her touch on his face pulling him out of the depths of his mind. He opened his mouth trying to speak, but he was having trouble voicing words, his throat was so dry. She offered him her canteen, he took a small sip and cleared his throat. "They had a daughter." His voice broke as the words slipped from his mouth, he fell back against Riza who sat back on her heels and put her arms around him as he started to cry. His shoulders shaking with sobs.


End file.
